Monthly Archives: April 2013

FUBAR Absurdities, Mark David Major

Dog Shits in Suburban Sprawl Hell, Property Values Rise 20%

A True Story about Shit
by Dr. Mark David Major, AICP, CNU-A, The Outlaw Urbanist contributor

Today, I found myself in single-family suburban sprawl hell, somewhere in Northeast Florida, with my dog, Izzy. The reason is unimportant. However, being a dutiful dog, Izzy indicated she needed to go for a walk. (Note: She is 4 years old next month and the cutest dog with the sweetest disposition… but that’s beside the point). So, I hooked her to the leash and started to walk her through a neighborhood, which is the very definition of suburban sprawl. Yes, there was not any street inter-connectivity and we have to retrace our route into this neighborhood, giving us the “pleasure” of seeing the same Mega Mediterranean homes not once but twice. Of course, the homes are only Mega Mediterranean along the front yard facades. Along the side yards, the true nature of the homes as basic wood frame construction with really cheap siding, sitting on 1/4 acre lots, is obvious. Most of the lawns were neatly manicured with St. Augustine grass (by the way, not really a grass… it’s a weed but whatever), as one might expect. In spending about 20 minutes in this neighborhood, I passed about a half of dozen people at 6:00 pm in the evening. None of these people said hello.

In fact, only one person spoke to me. After Izzy had done ‘her business’ (meaning she pooped) in a front yard and I was bending down with my doggy poop bag to pick it up, a woman came rushing out of her house to tell me, “I don’t like dogs pooping in my yard.” I looked at her incredulously and replied, “I’m picking it up.” She said (and I’m not kidding), “I know but I spent a lot on money on this yard and I don’t want it messed up by dogs pooping in it.” As you might expect, I stared in shock at this woman like she was a crazy person. She did not make her political position on urine clear to me. I pointed out, “it’s fertilizer.” She then added, “I know but I have dogs too and I don’t let them poop in my yard.” I’m not sure but this may have been a ‘suburban code’, meaning ‘I make sure my dogs poop in the neighbors’ yards.’ I replied, “Call the police, I’m sure it must be a crime,” turned around and walked back the way we came out of the neighborhood, all the while dutifully carrying my doggy poop bag and carefully navigating through multiple piles of dog shit in the neighborhood common areas. Needless to say, Izzy and I will never be walking in that neighborhood again (not that it was ever likely anyway).

My normal experience in a historic, traditional neighborhood has always been when Izzy poops in someone’s yard, I dutifully pick it up and, if it is noticed, the homeowners usually say, “thank you.” Suburban sprawl breeds intolerance of the stranger and the unfamiliar… and, apparently, acute cases of coprophobia (an irrational fear of feces).

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FUBAR Absurdities, Mark David Major, News, Rants

The Audacity of Audacity | DOT Secretary on Spending Binge | Planetizen

Transportation Secretary on Spending Binge Before Leaving Office | Planetizen

Ray LaHood, U.S. secretary of transportation, pauses while speaking during the U.S. Export-Import Bank annual conference in Washington, D.C., U.S., on Friday, April 5, 2013. Photographer: Andrew Harrer/Bloomberg via Getty Images

In February 2013, outgoing US DOT Secretary Ray LaHood was bemoaning the need for an additional $15 billion a year to fix potholes (see The Outlaw Urbanist post, “The Weight of Debt,” 2/7/13). Two months later, LaHood is apparently spending money like a drunken sailor in a whorehouse (no offense to sailors… or whores), throwing out $1.5B in grants like it was candy (10% of the total amount he previously said was desperately needed to fill potholes). Now, I’m sure local mayors and governments do, indeed, appreciate the largesse from DoT but there’s something incredibly unseemly about this situation.

From the article:

“LaHood is pushing the limits of his power. He recently earmarked $100,000 for the construction of a one-eighth scale miniature railroad in the backyard of his private home.”

See what I mean? The American taxpayers’ money at work on behalf of Ray LaHood. Surely, that has got to be illegal? Right? Generally, this is how you book a reservation at the Illinois Governors’ Memorial Wing of the United States Penitentiary in Marion, Illinois.

You can read the full article here: Transportation Secretary on Spending Binge Before Leaving Office | Planetizen

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Concrete Blonde, News

Gobsmacked by Those Crazy Germans | The ‘Tropical Islands’ Resort In Germany

Concrete Blonde sent a link to this Business Insider photographic essay under the subject header “Porn for Architects and Urban Planners.” Thank goodness a picture is worth a thousand words because 15,000 words seem woefully inadequate to explain what you can see in 15 photographs. Business Insider does not mention the designer or owner but we’re guessing Willy Wonka and Jerry Jones, respectively.

Excerpt from article:

“South of Berlin, a giant airplane hangar on a former Soviet airbase has been transformed into a sunny, sandy resort. Known as the Tropical Islands, the space is 1,181 feet long, 689 feet wide, and 351 feet tall. To put that in perspective, eight football fields and the Statue of Liberty could fit inside. The resort has been open since 2004, and attracts around 1 million visitors each year…. Despite Germany’s chilly winters, the temperature inside stays at a balmy 78 degrees. There are 13 different bars and restaurants, miniature golf, flamingos, and the biggest spa in Europe at just under 33,000 square feet.”

See more photographs here: The ‘Tropical Islands’ Resort In Germany | Business Insider

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News, Satire

Disturbing Photo from 1972 APA Future Leaders Conference

We came across this disturbing photograph taken at the 1972 American Planning Association Future Leaders Conference:

From left to right (standing):

John de Lancie gave up planning and became an actor, getting his start playing several roles on The Six Million Dollar Man before most famously playing “Q”, a being with God-like powers, in Star Trek: The Next Generation. When asked how he approached playing an omnipotent being, he replied, “I based Q’s pretentiousness on one of my planning professors at Kent State University.”

Steven Littleton, PA became a real estate attorney and broker as well as part-time magician in Las Vegas, Nevada. He still performs weekly at the Leopard Lounge and Style Revue in North Las Vegas under the pseudonym “The Magnificent Steven.”

William Bonin was convicted and executed in 1996 as the “Freeway Killer” in Los Angeles, California.

Gregory Marmalard, FAICP became the Special Assistant for Community & Development to Governor Kathleen Babineaux Blanco of Louisiana. He advised Governor Blanco that Lousiana did not need Federal assistance in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina in 2005. He is currently serving as a Assistant Deputy Secretary for the Department of Transportation in Washington, D.C.

Douglas C. Neidermeyer, AICP was killed by his own planning staff in Little Vietnam in the Uptown area of the City of Chicago. The planning staff was acquitted of the murder on the grounds of “temporary sanity.” It is still the only case in history of the United States judiciary that was ever decided on these grounds.

Dr. Ronnie F. Farley, FAICP received his PhD from the University of Santa Barbara, Remote Learning Campus and became APA President in the late 1980s. He was convicted of money laundering for misuse of Federal housing funds in the mid-1990s and sentenced to 20 years in prison. He was released for good behavior in 2002 from the Federal Prison Camp, Alderson in West Virginia. He became a best-selling author, publishing under the pseudonym “Stephanie Meyer.”

Seventh person standing to the far left remains unidentified though several eye witnesses have sworn his name is Abad’on Beel z’bub, an exchange student from Hierapolis in southwest Turkey.

Center, being spanked:

Chip Diller, AICP has been the serving Planner II of Bacon County, Georgia since 1982 where he won 10 awards for meritorious long service before the County Commissioners discontinued the award. He is a avid fan of the 1980s game, Dungeon and Dragons, and a three-time winner of the P&D Championship Series.

Kneeling, left to right:

W.F. Scott never finished planning school at the University of Minnesota. He became a factory worker and the father of Seann William Scott, who co-starred in several American Pie films and The Dukes of Hazard remake in 2005.

William Patrick went missing in 1978. He was officially declared dead by his family in 1985.

Thurston Howell V served as the National Director of the Sierra Club from 1985-1992. Officially, he is “retired” though, according to anonymous sources, this really means he was committed to the Elizabeth Arkham Asylum in 2002 and screams “rising ocean levels” every hour on the hour, night or day.

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Urban Patterns

Urban Patterns | Ragusa, Sicily in Italy

“Can we move to Italy?
Meet me by the church up high on the hill.”
— Italy, Julia Fordham

Urban Patterns | Ragusa, Sicily, Italy
by Dr. Mark David Major, AICP, CNU-A

To many people, Ragusa, Sicily in Italy represents the prototypical Italian hilltop village lying below the Hyblaean Mountains. It is listed on the UNESCO World Heritage Sites. The origins of the oldest part of the town on a 300-meter (980 feet) high hilltop (upper town to the right, below) lying between two valleys can be traced to the 2nd Millennium BC, i.e. more than 3,000 years ago. The ancient city came into contact with nearby Greek colonies and grew due to the nearby port of Camerina. Following a short period of Carthaginian rule, it fell into the hands of the ancient Romans and the Byzantines, who fortified the city and built a large castle. Ragusa was occupied by the Arabs in 848 AD, remaining under their rule until the 11th century, when the Normans conquered it. Thereafter Ragusa’s history followed the events of the Kingdom of Sicily, created in the first half of the twelfth century (Source: Wikipedia).

Satellite view from 2 km of Ragusa, Sicily in Italy (Source: Google Earth).

Upper town has a deformed grid layout where the street pattern conforms to the topography of the hill. This tends to make movement longer in terms of time and distance through upper town but changes in elevation are more gradual. This offers an excellent contrast to an urban pattern such as that found in San Francisco, where the regular grid layout enables movement through the layout to be shorter in terms of time and distance but changes in elevation tend to be much steeper. Together, Ragusa and San Francisco provide two models of how to incorporate acute topographical conditions within a settlement. The vertical construction of dwellings adapts to the topographical conditions of a local site in particular ways. In the case of San Francisco, this occurs by steeply adapting finished floors so they step up or down in section with the topography, which serves to maintain the conceptual logic of the regular grid imposed on the land. In Ragusa, the logic of the deformed grid in the town emerges from an apparently local process of aggregating dwelling units. During this aggregation process, finished floors are adapted to the contours of the topography so changes in finished floor elevation tend to be gradual instead of steep. In this way, the layout literally incorporates the acute topographical conditions into its functional pattern. This is why Moholy-Nagy (1968) describes such layouts as geomorphic. The street pattern of the newer areas adjacent to lower town (to the left, above) at the foot of the hill in the valley is a regular grid since the topography is less acute (e.g. more flat) at this location. The lower town also utilizes larger block sizes in its regular grid layout.

(Updated: April 11, 2017)

Urban Patterns is a series of posts from The Outlaw Urbanist presenting interesting examples of terrestrial patterns shaped by human intervention in the urban landscape over time.

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